Idiots come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Maybe it's because I am menopausal as I write this but I have come to believe, and I think that most women will agree with me, that men are idiots regardless of intelligence or IQ. I have had 46 years of studying idiots. My father is an idiot, my four brothers are idiots, and all of my men friends are idiots. I've dated idiots and I have been married to an idiot for 14 years now. I've worked with idiots. In fact I have never met a man yet who was not an idiot in one way or the other. It's in their DNA.
Did I mention that idiots come in different colors? There are four main colors, yellow, green, blue and red. Keep in mind that you can mix and match the colors but in the end they still come out idiots. You will know which type of idiot you are dealing with by identifying which color dominates their personality.
Yellow Idiots are very soft and gentle hearted idiots. They are right and left brained thinkers. They are very empathetic and buy into just about any lame excuse and will nurture the most outrageous ideas. They are very easy to get along with until you make some major changes. They abhor sudden change. They are great listeners and love to help people. They are casual dressers and feel most comfortable in relaxed situations. They lose their car keys and wallets often. They are very passive and therefore need a more take charge mate. They pick their nose when they get nervous or are put in uncomfortable positions. They are over sensitive and take things very personally. They always buy the wrong thing when you send them to the store. They have very little mechanical sense and can strain their brain trying to figure out which end of a hammer to use. They are the first to admit that yes, they might be an idiot.
Green Idiots are very melancholy, self-contained, left brained thinkers. They think that they are the smartest people on the planet and this is exactly what makes them the biggest idiots. They are very precise in everything they do. On the highway, they never like to change lanes. Visually they are stiff and dress conservative. Their days are very scheduled and they show up early for appointments thinking that they are late. They are very analytical and like to dissect and analyze everything. They have an eye for facts and figures but have a hard time understanding emotions. They are easily depressed and pessimistic about life. This type is the closet idiot. They are the one's most likely to wear the lamp shade at a drunken party. On a normal day-to-day basis they often speak disempowering words and try to get you to believe that you are the real idiot. They think most women are fickled and illogical because their ability to consider emotion along with facts and data. In their book these do not mix. The best way to handle this idiot is to qualify your statements with research and facts before showing your sensitive side, and never ever call them an idiot to their face.
Blue idiots make up about 15 % of all men. Their personalities are open but very direct. They are right-brained thinkers. They are very spontaneous, quick-witted, energetic, fast but scatter brained thinkers, "If I only had a brain". They don't mind playing the idiot if it gets them a few laughs. People are naturally attracted to them. They light up the room. "I'm sorry officer I didn't realize I was going that fast". You guessed it; they are the fastest drivers and receive the most tickets. Having too much fun is their biggest weakness. They don't like a lot of facts and figures; they find it boring and tedious. They are the biggest disorganized slobs, but always seems to know where everything is. They always dress in the most stylish fashion. They need a significant other who knows what fun is, but can also keep them organized and focused. They are able to laugh at their own idiocy on the surface but deep down inside they are usually the last to admit it.
I think the red idiot is the scariest of all. Their first thoughts in the morning and the last thoughts at night are of money. Money is power. Money is control. Money can buy love. What an idiot! They dislike losing control, indecision, small talk and crying. "I know", are the two most dangerous words in the English language but the two most favorite of the red idiot. These words can render any idiot unteachable. They have very stern forceful voices, large egos and domineering personalities. They have no clue that they are idiots, in fact they think every other person in the world other than themselves is an idiot, you know, "I'm right, you're wrong". They will never admit to making a mistake. They are the type that give ulcers but never get them. On the up side, they are great providers, independent, the best negotiators and leaders, a great catch for any person seeking to be dominated. At all costs avoid shopping with them, they will run you over with their shopping cart. Never tell them what to do, what to say, or what to wear. At the dinner table they avoid chitchat and are always the first ones done eating. They are fashion snobs and would like to see the world dressed in designer name brand suits just like them.
Well there you have it. Yellow, green, blue, or red, they're all idiots and it seems that we can't help but love em. They keep the smile in our eyes and the laugh in our hearts and they color our world. What color is your idiot?
