That’s right, I admit it. There’s no fighting it, the evidence is all to clear & it drives me crazy too. My one consolation is it drives my wife crazier. I do get my day in court though, right here, this is my place for rebuttal, which I am calling the (Ralph) Kramden corner. A sort of dedication to her. You see, I’m not the Ralph Kramden, she is. We’ve been married 13 years now & my wife has had at least one major get- rich scheme for every one of those wonderful (she will read this) years. In fact, we should have been on the cover of fortune magazine more than Mr. Gates if any of them turned out as she professed. The amazing thing is how she can go from one to the other with the same enthusiasm & how she can dismiss the previous idea with such non-chalant disregard. There must be a place somewhere where all these plans go & it must look like the ultimate packrats garage or Divas closet. Praised, revered, polished, stacked, tossed & then forgotten. Left cold like a neglected lover, screaming, “Hey, what about me, I thought I was your favorite? The one that was going all the way & then you push me aside for your new hot deal.”
Well, anyway, you get the idea.
Yes, this is my payback corner for all that idiot stuff she wrote about before & is sure to continue. But first I have to say something that just came to my feeble brain. If any one of my wife’s schemes actually worked out it would be to our whole families benefit, I mean, if I was able to quit my tedious, back & soul breaking job & concentrate on the things that really make me happy than it would be a dream come true. A miracle, yes, but isn’t that what dreaming is all about. Like most wives she’s just trying to make things better for her family. Idiot husbands, cranky children, sick siblings & all. O.K. now that the sappy stuff is out of the way, (she will read this!), lets move on. In future articles I may actually list the different dream schemes, (that should keep me busy for centuries) & details pertaining to their failure, hold status, ect. If any of you men idiots out there (be proud) or woman have similar tales to tell, be free to send them in. Of course, we may be living in our house on the Mediterranean by then because according to my wife this most recent venture is the one…
The best………. The………………….
Humor, Jokes, Entertainment and funny. Comedy, Music, and Rock and Roll
My wives newest scheme is the ‘I married an idiot. com website. I believe she may have finally hit it. They say, write what you know, what your passionate about, also I feel it is very universal. All the women she’s talked to have their own stories to tell including my sister in law. (It seems idiocy runs in the family). I feel responsible for the whole thing because I bought her this bumper sticker I saw in a thrift shop in Wisconsin that read ‘All men are idiots and I married their king’ Talk about proving a point, I’ll never live that purchase down. Like most men I shop rarely and when I do I rarely look at the price. I just want to get the hell out of there unless of course it’s a record (CD) store, then I have a harder time finding my way out. I seem to stay in video stores longer than my wife too, I just can’t make up my mind and walk about aimlessly hoping some video will jump off the shelf and make it up for me. I usually end up walking around with three or four until I’m just too tired to go on and then I put all but one back, usually the one that when I get back home is going to be hated by all. Even the dog. As far as the idiot stuff goes there are many stories my wife will never know. I’ve done so many things that I may never recall them all or when I do, I forget to tell her. I remember back when I used to go to the laundromat to do my clothes. I put all the wet clothes in a couple dryers and then put the quarters in different, empty machines. I came back an hour or five drinks later and couldn’t figure out why they were still wet. I realized what I had done by doing it again but instead of leaving I stayed to read or something. I watched the invisible clothes go ‘round, cursed a bit and then instead of taking the clothes out of the dryers with no money and putting then into the spinning ones I just put quarters into the dryers with the wet clothes. Saving physical energy now I call that good thinking.
