I know that I was expected to talk about some of my wives specific pipedreams but I decided not to go there. I could leave it at that, since the phrase ‘don’t go there’ should be understood by anyone in any relationship, no matter how dense. But for the sake of the spoken word and more space I’ll tread softly. You see, I realized that her past schemes are not really in the past, any one of them could still be viable and if I let the cat out of the bag by mentioning them in print then I could destroy there comeback power “Someone could take our idea and then what”, “As soon as we get some money we can still pursue that” or even “I’m still working on that”. We’ll, excuse me but since I haven’t see you working on that and we’re still barely getting by, I assumed…..I said I wouldn’t go there. I mentioned she was a pack-rat in the last issue and of course I meant a pack-rat of pipe dreams. I happen to be your traditional material pack-rat. I have drawers full of stuff; old notebooks full of writings and song lyrics most of which if worth keeping at all are on some kind of disc form by now, birthday cards from ten years back (maybe I think I can go back by just looking at them) or paycheck stubs that make me feel like I’m actually making real money now instead of realizing what an idiot I was for ever working so long for so little. My wife is able to throw things like that away but when it comes to those intangibles, those hopes for a brighter future, those sparks of brilliant electric gray un-furbished matter she’s the glass is half full frugal fisherman, ‘they’re all keepers’ or like the more traditional pack-rat deciding whether to make that trip to the trashcan, ‘she won’t go there’. And I’ve already gone to far.

I want to talk a bit about why I think this newest idea, the one called ‘imarriedanidiot.com’ is such a good one and why it doesn’t bother me. First off, the dictionary has two definitions for idiot, 1.‘one of weak intellect, 2.‘ a foolish person’. I believe and I think most people would agree with the latter, that we’re not talking intelligence, I mean one of the biggest idiots of all time, again according to his partner in life, was Albert Einstein, who would have lost his bigger than average head if it wasn’t attached and most of the time it wasn’t. Secondly, the concept of men as idiots is universal and has been going on from the beginning of time and seems to have more in common with idiosyncrasy, which is defined as ‘peculiarity of constitution or temperament’. Before I go a step further and look backwards I should mention, (since you’ll be finding out soon enough) I’m not a religious person, not in the so called traditional all American (especially by this current administration who would have you believe we are all Christians and believers and that’s what this country was founded on and has gone to war for again and again, kicking the unilateral proverbial other cheek, so to speak and if you don’t believe or question why you should pledge, under God or under Bush then you’ll be under suspicion) way.

If I believed what the current leaders say about believers than I would believe I just lost 80 percent of those who we’re reading, which leaves about one and a half of you left. Honestly, though, even if you’re as pious as those first seven days were long, you should get a kick out of what’s coming up and I promise to leave all politics behind(s). Let’s go way back, if there was one thing that Eve said, maybe not the first thing, but something she said a lot, besides “can’t you cover that thing up” it surely was “Adam, you’re an idiot”. Considering all that went down, I mean, the bloody curse and all, what else would she say? Now, if we go back further, (this is where my lack of biblical knowledge shows through, but the cave people must have come first otherwise why did they look like apes and A & E look like us) back to the caveman period, I believe their very survival depended on Mr. Cave-mans idiotic behavior. When Mrs. Cave-woman had had about all she could take including his refusal to ‘cover that thing up’ she picked up the closest biggest thing (and it wasn’t his) she could find and clubbed him with it and that got him, finally, to thinking and clubbing and they never went hungry again. Now, lets jump ahead quite a few years to another cave man complete with tie and all terrain vehicle, I’m talking of none other than Fred Flintstone and the beginning of the end of men not being portrayed as idiots in every house hold across America and then the world.

Of course, Fred was based on a 5O’s idiot icon known as Ralph Kramden and his even more? Idiotic friend Norton. Now back then and even before, woman were trying to play the idiot; Gracie Allen, Carol Burnett, Lucile Ball but it seems people knew they were acting and they were considered comic genius’s. But once Fred came along that was that, I mean he wasn’t acting, he wasn’t a comic genius, he was an idiot and so was his friend Barney. O.K, they were cartoons but still I think that portrayal has continued and all male characters in the most popular T.V. sitcoms of recent times are thought of (and wrote) as one-dimensional idiots. I mean you had, Archie Bunker, Ted Baxter, Frank Burns, Al Bundy, all the guys on cheers and now you have (Everyone loves) Raymond, Will & Jack, the whole Malcolm in the middle matriarchy and all three guys on friends trying to out do each other in idiocy. And going back to the drawing board, the king of them all, Homer and his harebrained heir Bart Simpson. I could go on and on but I really don’t watch as much television as is my western responsibility, but for those who do, think about it. All men are boobs on the boob tube. It makes me wonder how many woman scriptwriters there are out there.

Of course, if you think it’s just in the scripts then you haven’t watched enough of the new reality shows, specifically crap (sorry) like Third Wheel, Shipmates, or Blind Date, where no matter how hard the woman try to compete, the men all come across as jackass’s (which brings up an obvious example), imbeciles, fools, YES, YOU GOT IT, IDIOTS, who still haven’t figured out how, (in the words of Eve and her descendent predecessor cave-woman) to “cover that thing up”. So I think you can understand now why I don’t take this whole ‘imarriedanidiot.com. thing personally, I mean most of my life I’ve felt like an outsider marching to a broken drum and now I finally belong to the biggest club of all; fellow members include Red, Gomer, Gilligan, Barney, Drew, George, Kramer, Jerry, Tommy, Dick & Harry, I belong! Give me an I, give me a d, give me an i,o,t. What’s that spell, what’s that spell, what’s that spell? Duh, I dunno?