I knew I had to write this story sooner or later but I was shooting for later, it's the one that could get me in the most trouble. It is my recollection of first meeting my wife.
I know that she's written her version (which I haven't read yet) but she's mentioned a couple things and I could tell right off that her memory in this matter is much keener than mine and that's where the trouble lies and why I should lie to stay out of it. But I will be brave and tell the truth.
First off, it's true we met because I put an ad in a weekly alternative magazine not a singles, relationship, looking for a date ad but a 'musicians wanted'. I had gotten back into playing and writing again after a rather dark period and was looking for someone to collaborate with. Why a woman, well, I had worked with some guys before and it never worked, they fell into combinations of two main categories: flaky/ fickle or drunk/ egomaniacs (of course all combos have these combinations but it's easier to take if your already famous). I also felt my songs could/should be sung by a female since they were literate, emotional and had some depth and somewhere deep down (maybe not so deep) I probably thought it was another way to find a date. O.K I'll admit it. I was a couple years sober and was going through that 'needy' 'substance replacement' 'how the hell do I meet girls now' phase. Damn, now I've done it, I was thinking I was going to get myself into hot water because I don't remember all the little details of our first meeting and of those that came later but now I'm confessing to things I should have left where they belonged; my subconscious. What an idiot.
Of course, like most guys in the beginning I did lots of romantic things like cook dinners (my famous poor mans stroganoff) go for walks, picnics, go dancing and lets see, oh yeah there's one very romantic thing that I did after we were married (which makes it even more amazing) I found the original ad that I had written in the library in the back issues and we now have a copy of it at home, though I'm not exactly sure where it is. I do recall what it said though "Songwriter, keyboardist looking for female singer, guitarist. Songs are original and intense." Something like that, anyway. I had a total of three women respond and I can honestly, thankfully say that I had a completely professional relationship with two out of the three. Of course, I ended up not working with them very long and kept the one I did not have the completely professional relationship with. I can also honestly say that I was not (consciously) looking for a wife though if I had been the musicians wanted would have been the place for me. So was I…?
I know I should leave it alone but lets get into that subconscious again, a bit deeper, I was in my mid-thirties, newly sober, had experienced just about everything a single man could have hoped for (in the female department that is) so just maybe I was looking for, "what?" 'Really.' "No way" you see, I still did not think of myself as much of a catch since I was washing dishes through a temp service, living in a two room apartment above a store and did not have a car of my own. My self-esteem was knee high to an ant. Let's skip all that.
Patty (my wife) not only remembers what she was wearing but what I was wearing, I do not recall either and I think her description of the shorts I was barely wearing may be more imagination and wishful thinking than reality. I do recall the gray shorts but I think there was more to them than she remembers. I mean they were shorts, not speedos not even the short short cutoffs that people were all wearing (1987) at the time, myself included. They were regular shorts and I really did not own a lot of clothes.
O.K. I feel I'm about to subvert myself again but I was a guy for Christ sakes. I had a woman coming over to listen to my music, something very intimate, I was vulnerable and I ….what the hell I put on my shortest loosest shorts, probably a tank top and… what am I saying, it was hot, I had no air conditioning. I was very vain. Lets change the 'sub' subject.
I remember playing some of my songs and she seemed impressed or maybe it was the shorts. I was definitely impressed with the way she looked though she was to shy to sing right off. I do recall we had lots of long telephone conversation before and after we got together and that's an important thing to be able to talk like that although it consisted mostly about how men were such jerks; she was very bitter about men. Naturally, I do recall most of details of the first time we got intimate and that we didn't actually do a lot of music stuff together till some time later. First, we had to go through that burning enticing intense (remember the ad, all subconscious I swear) period we all remember with an ache a stare and a sigh.
I really do not believe I was looking for a wife but then that's usually when you find what you're looking for, isn't it. I didn't think I was capable of that kind of commitment, that kind of give and take. In other words, love. In other words I was an idiot. A 'crouched in the closet', 'surrounded by hangers on' idiot who had finally found the person to bring him 'me' out in the open, out of the darkness for all especially myself to see. Of course, I didn't expect a website, bumper stickers and the printed page all proclaiming my royal idiocy but what the hell, I found a friend, a wife and a partner in all things creative. I found love and all it's tired glory.
Idiots Unite. Stand proud.
